Friday, August 25, 2006
I totally don't know what this is supposed to mean. I was writing random rubbish. and it ended up as this. So yes. and I do know it sucks. You don't have to tell me that.
To the one who would Listen
Alice died the other day. The delicate white flower with her beautiful, bright smile. The dark clouds eclipsed her Sun. I wonder how it felt, the graceful leap from the heavens, from the tall, towering building, from the eleventh storey, falling through time and space. Down to the hard, cold concrete.
Now, I am alone.Mama has given up on me. I heard her as she spoke in hushed tones to Papa. I used to be such a lovely girl, so obedient, so kind, so understanding. I was her darling daughter, the student with the outstanding report card, who had the teachers twisted round her little finger and adoring classmates and schoolmates simply waiting to fall at my feet and to become my very good friend. What had become of me, she asked. What had they done to deserve this, what had I done to deserve this, she asked, over and over and over again. I listened as she began to weep. Weep for me, Mother. Weep for the good little girl whom you no longer understand.
You are all I have left. My diary, a lifeless, emotionless fan of yellowed pages. Once alive, perhaps, when you stood tall and towering, a magnificent tree with your branches outstretched, reaching for the clear, blue sky. But then they killed you, and now you lie, processed, printed, bound and dead, before me. Your death has brought me comfort in lined paper and black ink. You are the only one who knows of this secret, this secret that no one else must know. The secret Rainbows in clear plastic.
I cannot tell anyone else of these secrets. My fairytale world is mine and mine alone. Mama and Papa must not know, lest they drag me, kicking, screaming and crying, to have my dreams and fantasies torn and stripped from me, in some godforsaken, dream-forsaken rehabilitation center.
They would cry, wouldn't they? If they found out, they would sob and weep and clutch at me, at the silhouette of their once-perfect daughter, now broken, with too many lost pieces to ever be able to fix back.
No one else shall know of my Wonderland. No one at all.
I shall escape into the rabbit hole, and never leave the dark, comforting warmth. I shall live in a world of princesses and knights, of dragons and unicorns, of kings and queens in scarlet regal robes. Of smiles brighter than the Sun.
The clear plastic blatantly exhibits the bright colours of the rainbows within its encasing. Oval shaped splashes of colour, tickets to fairytale land and beyond. Invitations to their name; to absolute Ecstasy. The glass of water is beside me. I empty the pills into the hollow of my hand. I am Eve, with the apple of temptation cupped in my palm.
Goodbye, diary. Tonight's my last fling.
************************************************************************************
And this is because me and June were bored. It was supposed to be about drugs. BUT. it sounds a bit wrong. BUT IT'S ABOUT DRUGS OK.
For I am so much more.
I am the White Room
with Dreams upon my walls.
(Tiptoe within, gently,without a sound.
These delusions, These
fragile porcelain faces,
fallen from their graces
Crystal clear,
you brush against the surface
of their surface.
Intangibly so.
Pray do not break them,
these portraits of your universe
Delicate as butterfly wings,
they crumble upon your touch.)
I am the Whirlpool
that drowns you in Illusions.
(In a whirl,
a twirl,
a swirl of faces
faded, flickering, fluttering,
a Wild Dance in dark waters
choreographed by Yours Truly, by
your soul, broken but
Alive
dancing in the Darkness
with no one to watch, to touch,
to reach.)
I am your destiny,
in the warmth of your hands
(Taste me
Drink me
Swallow me,
I am Temptation
cupped in the hollow of your palms
Hold me to your lips,
my sweetness entrances you
So tender,
So raw,
so delicately enchanting,
This phantasmagoria ofDreams, of
Illusions and Delusions
Scarlet, Crimson,
against warm flesh I am
cold.)
I am your Wonderland.
Careful now, I'm everything you dreamed of
and so much
More.
A Beautiful Disaster at Friday, August 25, 2006